Tuesday, November 19, 2013

I'm Not Dumb, Just Intermittently Intelligent!

I don't know what got me started thinking about some of the less than brilliant things I've done over the years.  I've had a lot of years to pile them up, so you can bet there are lots!  Hopefully, I'm repressing memories of the worst incidents...

The way I see it, there are two categories:  The first is doing something where you had no idea what the consequences would be and second, the ones you do--but choose to proceed anyway.  Unfortunately, I'm smart enough to know most of mine are the latter, but time, money, lack of ability or energy drew me to the "dark side" thinking I could get away with it "just this once."

Suffice it to say, I should never be around any sort of dye.  When I was in my twenties, I used to "highlight" my own hair.  When I decided to go natural, I went to a stylist and the chemical reaction of drugstore vs professional products turned my hair green.  I didn't get home until midnight from a 7:30 p.m. appointment and my hair had to be dyed black to compensate.  I could never learn my lesson about buying more yarn than I would need (same dye lot) and more than once, I have had to dye something to salvage it.  Did you know that even if you start with two shades of white you can dye it another color until the cows come home and it will never even out?

Since my main hobby for years had to do with dogs I have done many dumb things.  Not once, but several times at dog shows I would have a brand new bottle of "Sticky Ticky" (liquid hairspray) open on the grooming table while doing a topknot only to have the dog or me knock it over just before going into the ring.  I have to take the dog to the restroom, hose off feet or whatever and stick them under the hand dryer.  The same goes with knocking over Diet Cokes on the grooming table...only that's an even bigger mess.  But I never learned (and will still likely attempt it again...)  I hate hauling large grooming tables, but I probably should!

I also learned that you must put your grooming sprays/liquids in distinctly labeled and different containers.  Once again, I was ringside misting my dog with anti-stat when I discovered it was actually the spray oil (used after showing to protect coat.)  Off to the restroom....(you also have to have separate brushes and they should be labeled too!)  I could've finished the championships on a lot more yorkies, but Barb and I refused to dye our dogs...98%  because it's unethical and 2% because I would suck at it and get caught!

I've written several stories about Mark's Jack Russell terriers where I have given them the benefit of the doubt and wound up either hunting for them or breaking up fights or dealing with stuff they ruined or cleaning up a mess or worse, running to a vet.  Trusting a JRT is like handing All Capone the keys to Alcatraz.

I could kick myself for, get this, throwing away gold necklaces because they were knotted or kinked.  (This was decades ago.)  I also gave a handmade quilt to my golden for a bed.  I moved so many times I lost some of my jewelry like an opal ring, a tiny antique diamond ring and others because I wasn't careful.  When moving in a u-haul to CA I had to get rid of stuff which included the best ruby slippers for a Dorothy costume ever.  I still kick myself for that!

There isn't enough cyberspace for me to list my vacant moments, but I will leave with one of my most not-so-divine inspirational moments...

I had a very rusty old '69 Cutlass (could write a whole post on it alone) that had a black vinyl top.  Well,  most of it flipped back while I was driving on the freeway.  The car was beyond help and I had no money, so what to do?  I noticed kind of a soft rubber stuff around the roof trim and thought it was like roof tar.  So I spread the stuff all over the roof and frankly, it didn't look bad from a distance.  I got away with it through the winter and it didn't even leak (which it had before---I used to scrape ice off the inside of my windshield.)

However, one 90 degree-ish day, I walked out to the car to find the tar oozing and dripping down my windows.  What a mess.  I sold the car for $50 and bought some makeup with it.

Until next time, be smarter than me...

Gale
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